For my life
This goes out to my wife Carol. Today is her birthday, and although I won't disclose how many years it's been (apparently the ladies don't like when you do that), I have to express my love and dedication to her. And what better way to do that than for the whole world to see?
The love that I have in my heart for this woman is so intense that I wouldn't dare risk it for anything, nor would I allow it to fade or wither.
I used to mention her on this site from time to time. Then I got too busy to write about much of anything, and finally one day she asked me why I don't write about her anymore. I guess the truth was that I didn't have anything to say that I couldn't simply say to her directly. I mean, if I wanted to tell her I loved her, I could just go over and give her a hug and tell her so. And of course, there's that saying about how married folks just don't retain that magic, that sparkle. In a way, that might be true, but I think the most accurate way to describe it is that the magic simply becomes commonplace. You get used to it. So much so that you can take it for granted. You begin to lose that appreciation for it.
Until one day something happens that puts it into perspective, sort of a massive reset switch. I think the birth of our son Robbie had a similar effect on us, essentially forcing us to focus on each other and how far we've made it together. Like the old saying, nothing's worth having if you can't share it with someone.
We've been married for over four years (oh, how I never imagined I'd be able to say that) and one thing that I know for sure is that it hasn't always been easy. For the first year or so, we hit some bumps in the road and a major snag that--were it not for our love and dedication to each other--would have surely broken us apart. The truth is that we're so vastly different, in personalities, in tastes, in ideologies, that it's a wonder we even hit it off. While I tend to be more impulsive and erratic and even dismissive, she proudly lives by her sense of discipline and morals, sometimes bordering on self-righteousness. It would seem like the most unlikely fit, but somehow it all works out. Somehow, we came together in this great big world and found out that we were meant for each other. If there's one thing I do believe in, that's it.
As for day to day, while I try to get along with everyone in general, I'm not the easiest person to live with day-in and day-out. I either get urges to do things and go places or I simply lack any motivation to do anything whatsoever. That's just the way I am, and for her, it must be a nightmare at times. Then again, maybe that's why I love her so much; because she's willing to overlook that and still love me in spite of it.
Sure, it took some adjusting. That was part of all that "magic" that we all talk about; the discovering of each other's true demeanor. Yeah, it's all gravy when you're going out and even when you're engaged, but when you make your promise, things change. You wouldn't necessarily think so (I know I didn't), but they do. For those of you that aren't married or don't have a significant other, I can't possibly tell you about all of the intricacies make up a successful, happy married life. I can't because I don't even know about them all yet. We're still pups compared to some folks out there and we're still learning the ropes.
At the moment, I'm experiencing the pregnant dad thing the second time around. Not the actual pregnancy, mind you, but more like the byproducts of the pregnant mom thing. That might include a noticeable increase in workload, a lack of intimacy, and the wrath of sharp mood swings. Sometimes it's frustrating, but it's all part of the package. My ultimate goal is to show her that I'm going to love her no matter the circumstances because when it comes down to it, that's the truth.
When I made my promise to Carol--to be there for her, good or bad, better or worse--I meant it, and I still mean it. The love that I have in my heart for this woman is so intense that I wouldn't dare risk it for anything, nor would I allow it to fade or wither. Sometimes that means sacrifice, sometimes that means strength, but it always means dedication. In a way, a piece of my heart died in 1998, and two years later I gave the rest to this wonderful, beautiful woman who in return gave me a new life, a new family and a renewed sense of purpose. What more could I ask for?
So, with all that said, here's what I originally set out to do.
Happy Birthday Carol!
I love you sweetie!
