Back to that grind...sort of
After a week away to witness and celebrate and recover from the birth of our daughter, today was my first day back at work. Something just felt different about coming back to an empty office. So quiet. When I was last there, it was business as usual, that old train moving at a decent clip. This morning, though...something was different. Everything was in slow motion. This was the first time in a long time that I'd made it to the office so early. Seven in the morning, to be exact, and not a person in sight. It gave me some time to think about things as I worked.
There's nothing like having a child to give you a new perspective on things. It happened with my son, and it's happening again. There's nothing old hat about it. In many ways, the experience of our daughter's birth was exactly the same as our son's down to the minute, only offset by about twelve hours. There was the same anxiety, the same worrying, the same excitement, the same joy. Everything that might make is seem like we'd done this before. But there was something different, a new factor that wasn't around last time--our son.
Not only was I worried that Robbie would react badly to the arrival of a new baby in the family, but I was worried that he'd get left out of the experience altogether. I mean, newborns don't need constant attention (they sleep for about eighteen hours a day), but when they do require attention, they need it to the fullest. So it was totally possible that Robbie could take that the wrong way. Even though he's only two years old, children just know when they're not welcome.
Combine that with the fact that he's already set into a routine, which has now been thrown all out of whack in the last week. We've been staying with my in-laws and like myself, he's found himself in a new environment, not exactly sure of where things are and what the rules are. As a result, he's probably a little confused and easily frustrated. This is what had me the most worried and helped me to realize something.
In the last several months, work has taken over my life. I vowed not to let it do that, but it has found a way to monopolize my time nevertheless. Or rather, I've let it find a way to monopolize my time. Now after this anticipated-but-not-calculated time off, it's like something hit that big RESET button in my mind. I don't seem to care about the ins and outs of the office the same. Apparently, while I was gone, quite a few people were let go, and all I've witnessed of it are people's fears and apprehension.
Yet, I don't feel the same concern as I did a couple of weeks ago. In just the last five days, I've seen that there's so much more to life than work, and once again, I'm realizing that I've been too heavily invested there. I was so worried about keeping my job and hanging on to the work that I love to do, that I'd neglected what was directly in front of me. Even the day we were in the hospital, waiting for our baby girl to be born, I had a long talk with my dad about my job and my worries. It seemed so crucial, so important at the time.
The next day, however, I didn't care. It was the furthest thing from my mind. It could all go away tomorrow and I don't know if I'd mind at all. Sure, I'd be stuck out, looking for work again, but what's making me happy right now is at home. Career opportunities come by the bucketload, but having a family and raising your children only comes around once. That's an opportunity I can't let pass me by.
